put your foot on the gas and leave it there till you crash

i cannot believe i asked you that question. im a fucking doll for asking that and i hope you have fun. im an idiot im an idiot im an idiot.

i spent my friday night with panic attacks because everything was happening way too fast. i puked over the side of the porch a couple times. God, if you're out there, just lemme know when enough is enough. im a goddamned doll.

here it is

right when i think im about to have another nervous breakdown, i write more lyrics. it isn't helping. regardless i want to fucking die i want to fucking die i want to fucking die nothing feels good everyone is dead to me dead dead dead dead dead

useless useless useless

theres no fucking point to all this. you ain't gonna be remembered, just forgotten. when she is soaking up all the fame, you can watch from a green recliner while you count all your regrets. this is not going anywhere but downhill. down. fucking. hill. dont even bother. i wont pick up. dont dont dont dont dont...

dont you panic give it one more try

im teetering at the edge of my sanity as we speak. i have the flu and im completely exhausted and weak feeling. i woke up for an hour at 12, then went back to bed for 7 hours. i also have a gum infection and it hurts to smile. it fucking sucks. theres a party this friday but i dont know if i'll be able to make it in the current state i find myself in.
i walked home at midnight with a checklist of my ex bestfriends.
once again i find myself in this disposition that i can't understand anything or why things happen. its like those calvin and hobbes comic strips where each panel shows a part of calvin's day except its totally shitty and everything goes wrong. its kind of like that right now. i have no idea what im doing wrong, except apparently im a total asshole, im boring as shit and immature. excuse me for living.
sigh
i just dont know anymore...